'I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,' said Lily.
'Bad luck, Prongs,' said Sirius briskly, and turned back to Snape. 'OI!'
But too late; Snape had directed his wand straight at James; there was a flash of light and a
gash appeared on the side of James's face, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled
about: a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside-down in the air, his robes
falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of greying underpants.
Many people in the small crowd cheered; Sirius, James and Wormtail roared with laughter.
Lily, whose furious expression had twitched for an instant as though she was going to smile,
said, 'Let him down!'
'Certainly,' said James and he jerked his wand upwards; Snape fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Disentangling himself from his robes he got quickly to his feet, wand up, but
Sirius said, 'Petrificus Totalus!' and Snape keeled over again, rigid as a board

'Hey, Big D!'
Dudley turned.
Oh,' he grunted. 'It's you.'
'How long have you been "Big D" then?' said Harry.
'Shut it,' snarled Dudley, turning away.
'Cool name,' said Harry, grinning and falling into step beside his cousin. 'But you'll always be
"Ickle Diddykins" to me.'
'I said, SHUT IT!' said Dudley, whose ham-like hands had curled into fists.
'Don't the boys know that's what your mum calls you?'
'Shut your face.'
'You don't tell her to shut her face. What about "Popkin" and "Dinky Diddydums", can I use
them then?'
Dudley said nothing. The effort of keeping himself from hitting Harry seemed to demand all
his self-control.
'So who've you been beating up tonight?' Harry asked, his grin fading. 'Another ten-year-old?
I know you did Mark Evans two nights ago -
'He was asking for it,' snarled Dudley.
'Oh yeah?'
'He cheeked me.'
'Yeah? Did he say you look like a pig that's been taught to walk on its hind legs? 'Cause that's
not cheek, Dud, that's true.'
A muscle was twitching in Dudley's jaw. It gave Harry enormous satisfaction to know how
furious he was making Dudley; he felt as though he was siphoning off his own frustration
into his cousin, the only outlet he had.
They turned right down the narrow alleyway where Harry had first seen Sirius and which
formed a short cut between Magnolia Crescent and Wisteria Walk. It was empty and much
darker than the streets it linked because there were no streetlamps. Their footsteps were
muffled between garage walls on one side and a high fence on the other.
Think you're a big man carrying that thing, don't you?' Dudley said after a few seconds.
'What thing?'
'That - that thing you are hiding.'
Harry grinned again.
'Not as stupid as you look, are you, Dud? But I's'pose, if you were, you wouldn't be able to
walk and talk at the same time.'
Harry pulled out his wand. He saw Dudley look sideways at it.
'You're not allowed,' Dudley said at once. 'I know you're not. You'd get expelled from that
freak school you go to.'
'How d'you know they haven't changed the rules, Big D?'
They haven't,' said Dudley, though he didn't sound completely convinced.
Harry laughed softly.
'You haven't got the guts to take me on without that thing, have you?' Dudley snarled.