I can't feel him anymore (смешанная)

“Got it?” Ben asks.
“Got it,” Peter says. The calendar is at Peter level, and Ben has a horrifying thought of moving it up and up and up, as Peter grows older and taller without his father.
Nope. Not gonna happen. No way, no way. Thought banished.
Peter marks off the day with one steady, red line. August 5th done and in the books with just dinner to go, and he’s got that look on his face where Ben can’t tell what he’s thinking. He puts the cap back on the sharpie and purses his lips for a second.
“One day closer to Daddy,” he says, voice resolute.
“That’s right,” Ben says, happy with that attitude, because both of them could easily be thinking another day without him. But they don’t say that, and Ben sees Peter eyeing the tenth. His birthday.