He survived the war—now it's time to grow up. Fourteen months after the Battle of Hogwarts, an overheard, off-the-cuff comment turns Harry's life upside-down. Goodbye Auror training, hello Chudley Cannons! And witches ... lots of witches (but no harem). Warning: Many tropes were harmed in the writing of this fic, and Cursed Child never happened. OCs galore. NO MORTAL PERIL.