are you a painting because i'd like to nail you to the wall (слэш)

"Bro," said Shang Qinghua. "I knew you were an unscrupulous thief, but you stole that poor detective's heart!"
"What poor detective?" said Shen Yuan, irritably. "Have you seen the state of my ass?"
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Shen Qingqiu, Phantom Thief, keeps crossing paths with his favourite student when he's out committing terrible art crimes, and he's getting a little worried about the boy. Does he ever sleep? Are his grades doing okay?
Meanwhile, Luo Binghe, detective in charge of the Shen Qingqiu case (and Shen Qingqiu's #1 fan), desperately regrets ever pretending to be a student in the first place.