The List; or, The Five Times Remus Lupin did not Exhibit Trademarks of Homosexuality (and the One Time He Did) (слэш)

TEENAGERS, BEWARE OF THE “FRIEND” OF YOUR OWN SEX WHO:
1. Is too “nice to be true.
2. Wants to spend time with you alone.
3. Proposes that you be roommates and sleep in the same bed.
4. Writes you love notes as to a sweetheart.
5. Directs the conversation to intimate matters.
6. Wants to touch the private parts of your body.
THESE ARE SOME OF THE TRADEMARKS OF HOMOSEXUALITY.