GOT WORMED DON'T ASK (смешанная)

Van was having a very bad day. First there was the tentacle ship, then there was the getting abducted by the tentacle ship, and then there was the getting wormed by the tentacle guys on the tentacle ship. The worming was an indignity to top all indignities and a real fucking cherry on the top of the whole situation because Van sort of thought that if anyone was going to inflict gross biological horrorterrors upon his person, it shouldn't be a bunch of mindsflayers who weren’t even making a fun sex thing out of it.
Not that he had anything against mindflayers. He wasn’t racist! All shapes were beautiful! He just didn’t really want to become one, and he resented being used as a sort of eggsack from which a newborn mindflayer would crawl out.
(or: local displaced adventurer reluctantly gets dragged into a different adventure, makes some friends, kisses a vampire, tries to save baldur's gate, you know how it is with spaghetti)