Harry: You know, they say the Room of Requirement never lies. It gives you whatever you need most.

Malfoy: Oh, really? How fascinating, Potter. Allow me to demonstrate.

Malfoy confidently opens the door.

Inside is a bedroom. One bed. Two pillows. A romantic candle on the bedside table.

Silence.

Malfoy: ...

Harry: ...

Malfoy: The room is malfunctioning.

Harry: Is it?

Malfoy: Obviously! Why would I need a bedroom with only one bed?!

Harry: I don't know. You're the one who opened the door.

Malfoy: SHUT UP!

Harry: Wait, wait. Let me get this straight. You wanted to see what you needed most, opened the magical room of your deepest desires, and it gave you a bedroom with one bed?

Malfoy: THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED!

Harry: So you admit you wanted something else?

Malfoy: I ADMIT NOTHING!

Harry: Interesting. Very interesting.

Harry slowly pulls out an imaginary notebook.

Harry: Subject: Draco Malfoy. Symptoms include excessive blushing, violent denial, and a suspicious interest in shared sleeping arrangements.

Malfoy: MY NAME IS NOT YOUR EXPERIMENT, POTTER!

Harry: Don't worry. I'll publish my findings in The Daily Prophet.

Malfoy: I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD!

Harry: Headline: Local Slytherin Threatens Journalist After Magical Room Exposes Her Romantic Preferences.

Malfoy: I WILL FEED YOU TO A BASILISK!

Harry: Bold of you to assume there are any left.

Malfoy grabs a pillow and throws it at his face.

Harry: OW! ATTEMPTED MURDER! IN FRONT OF THE BEDROOM TOO!

Malfoy: STOP SAYING BEDROOM!

Harry: Fine. The romantic chamber.

Malfoy: POTTER!

Harry: The courtship suite?

Malfoy: I AM GOING TO COMMIT A FELONY!

Harry: That's three threats in under a minute. You're really bad at flirting, you know.

Malfoy goes completely still.

Malfoy: ...

Harry: ...

Malfoy: I WAS NOT FLIRTING!

Harry: Of course not. And I'm the Minister of Magic.

Malfoy: YOU WOULDN'T EVEN GET ELECTED AS A VILLAGE IDIOT!

Harry: At least I'd have a platform.

The room suddenly produces a small table with a silver plaque reading:

"CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR DESIRED COMPANION HAS ARRIVED."

Both of them stare at it.

Harry: Oh, that's actually pretty sweet.

Malfoy: slowly turns toward him. Potter.

Harry: Yeah?

Malfoy: Run.

Harry: Why?

Malfoy: BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO MAKE YOUR DEEPEST DESIRE A VISIT TO ST. MUNGO'S!

Harry bolts out of the room.

Malfoy: COWARD!

Harry: YOU JUST THREATENED TO HOSPITALIZE ME!

Malfoy: AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN!

The door slams shut.

Inside, Malfoy sinks onto the bed, covers her face with both hands, and lets out a muffled scream.

Malfoy: WHY HIM?! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE POTTER?!

The Room of Requirement helpfully produces a second plaque.

"TIP: HONEST COMMUNICATION IS OFTEN THE FIRST STEP."

Malfoy: I WILL BURN THIS ROOM TO THE GROUND.