The Losing Side

What if Sherlock planned to fake his suicide, but John figured it out before he met Moriarty on the roof?
What if Sherlock refused John's offer to go with him?
And what if John did something so inexplicable that Sherlock couldn't stop thinking about it for two years?

What John did was unexpected, and the realisation that John Watson can surprise me is humbling. I’ve called John an idiot more than once, tried his patience, ignored his pained expressions and muttered displeasure. And John has pulled the rug out from under me, first by reasoning out what I was up to, and second by kissing me. I’m afraid to think about what the kiss means. Love may be a mystery, or a defect, or a dangerous disadvantage, or a vicious motivator, but a kiss is a statement. Hello, goodbye, I love you. It hardly seems possible that John loves me despite my efforts to make myself unloveable. Goodbye seems most likely.