я бесполезен

Naruto raised a bored hand, "Look, a lot of my style revolves around blowing things up. Do you have anything that can help with that?"

Again being thrown off his stride, Jiraiya had to think about that one. While it was much to early to teach the boy the rasengan, he was trying to get him interested in the toads. One of which was still behind Jiraiya and enjoying being ignored for now. Though he felt like he could help out his summoner this once.

"Toads have flammable oil."

That peaked Naruto's interest. "How flammable?"

Seeing bait, Jiraiya made a show of hoping back on the toads head, "Let's aim for the training post, gimme some oil!"

Iruka-sensei stared at Mizuki, who was lying in the foetal position snivelling, "No more... please, no more..."
"What the heck happened, Naruto?!"
"He tried to throw his giant shuriken thing at me, but forgot to let go," Naruto said matter-of-factly. "After he got over the pain of stabbing himself with all the corners, he had a nervous breakdown over what a miserable failure of a ninja he was. That made him collapse on top of the shuriken, which is how he got all those other injuries."
"Uh-huh," Iruka-sensei said. "And what really happened?"
"Fine," Naruto pouted. "I outsmarted him and took him out with an A-rank forbidden technique I'd learned from the scroll in the couple of hours before he turned up."
Iruka-sensei stared fixedly at Naruto for several seconds.
"Nervous breakdown over being a miserable failure of a ninja. Got it."

...but Shino’s whole clan had some kind of creepy bloodline affinity for bugs. There was a story that his mother had once assassinated an almost-invincible foreign ninja by jamming spiders down her throat, and building a web to clog up her lungs.

Shino handed her a red pill and a blue pill. "I've recovered our packs," he said quietly. "Your chakra is low enough that it's advisable to take the soldier pill, and the analgesic is definitely warranted." Farther down the bough, Hinata could see Sakura start ministering to Kiba, who in turn attended to Akamaru.